Manchester City coach Pep Guardiola is over the moon after catching his Second Jesus for the team.
City confirmed the signing of Gabriel Jesus from Palmerias this afternoon in a reported £27 Million deal. However, the 19 Year Old Brazilian will not join up with his new team mates until December. That has not stopped Pep Guardiola beaming with delight at his new signing.
When asked about his thoughts on the deal, Guardiola said:
“This Jesus is a fantastic addition to our squad. He has a much higher Combat Power than Jesus Navas, and he is also a lot less one dimensional, which I admit doesn’t take much.
“I am very happy with the extra Jesus candy catching Gabriel Jesus has given us, although I am slightly disappointed we had to use several Great Balls and a Berry in order to catch him, but we couldn’t let him run away from us.
“Additionally, it means we can send Jesus Navas to the Professor (Rumoured to be Arsene Wenger) and receive an extra Jesus candy whilst we’re at it, so it’s win-win for us.”
Asked if City were going to make any further signings after an already busy Summer Transfer Window, Guardiola reached into his pocket and brought out an extremely crumpled A5 piece of paper, and began reeling off his targets.
“We were looking at getting Jesus Gamez, but Newcastle caught him first, a shame because he was right by the Ethiad Stadium before he ended up spawning at St James Park. ” He Sighed, looking dejected.
However his eyes lit up as he said
“But we know there’s plenty more Jesus out there, we’re looking at Juan Jesus, Jesus Corona, Jesus Molina and Jesus Fernandez Collado for example.
“We hope to catch enough Jesus by the end of the Transfer Window to be able to evolve the one with the Highest Combat Power into God.
“God would really improve our team, as his typing is much better for taking down those pesky Vaporeons.
In completely unrelated news, Pokemon Go has recently been released, taking the world by storm.
After the press conference, Pep Guardiola was seen outside with his cap on backwards, along with his iPhone and portable battery charger, where he was reportedly overheard asking Raheem Sterling if he’d caught any good Pokemon whilst on his Summer Holiday.
NOTE: This story is complete B*llocks.
Nathan Bullen
